The Epic Adventures of Zebra Boy

Rachel’s slice:

Well, today, I’m slightly hungover. But, we had an epic little road-trip to Sonic for hamburgers today, so that makes up for a whole helluva a lot. It’s been another crazy week, but an excellent weekend over all. Friday was Charlee’s reunion with her phantom limb, and because of that I leave it to her to tell the story of Zebra Boy.

Tuesday was of course Mardi Gras, and Erin is always up for any excuse to go out and dance. Her boyfriend came up as well, so we went out on the town with the boys. Charlee opted out of going to the bars with us, which was a huge bummer.

You see, Erin’s boyfriend is high school pals with the Editor in Chief of our University’s newspaper. I find the editor devastatingly cute, and had flirted hardcore with him last time we were out. Mr. Editor, had confessed his want to “Ravish” me, despite his having a girlfriend. I escaped his advances that time though by informing him I was going home with Charlee to pass out on her couch—but thanks for the offer.

But Charlee was not there on Tuesday when Mr. Editor chased me down after the group headed home. He informed me that I was entirely too drunk to be driving home and I should park my awesome Jeep and chill out for a few hours. I’m not a stupid girl when it comes to male advances, and I knew that my one shot an hour beforehand did not put me anywhere being a drunk driver. But, he wasn’t taking no for an answer and honestly, I think he’s super cute! So, I parked Jax, my bitchin’ Jeep, and followed Mr. Editor to his humble abode. Once inside, Mr. Editor informed me that he was actually hoping he “could score some ass” from me. I should have left right then, but after he said this rather cliché and vulgar line, he bit his lip. I don’t think there’s a sexier gesture a man can make than a good lip bite. Then he leaned in and started kissing my neck as I was protesting in some way. We end up taking a seat on his bed, and I’m looking at his wannabe hipster wall hangings, when I glance over his way for a shock. He’d dropped his drawers and had whipped out his cock, for me to apparently service. I’m not going to lie, I was not impressed with what he had to offer. I hate it when you have a crush on a guy you think is really great—and then you’re put in a situation where you realize that he’s actually a pretentious jackass of a doucher. The rest of what transpired that night between Mr. Editor and I, is not worth mentioning.

Last night, as a thank-you for always picking up my bar tab whether I like it or not, I cooked a giant feast for Erin’s boyfriend AJ. Since Erin and I are going to be living together next year, I’ve been designated wifey number two and am perfectly happy with being so. AJ is a great guy and completely devoted to Erin. It was a great time because not only did AJ’s buds come(Mr. Editor included) my two favorite boys came as well! Mike and Peter went to high school with me, and have been some of the best friends a crazy girl like me could ask for. Peter told racist jokes, party fouled a few times, and was just generally his lovable drunken self. Mike was mean-mugging as always and told Charlee and I a hilarious story about instigating his buddy’s first grind session with a girl on the dancefloor. Upon his departure, Peter yelled something about how I could just “suck his dick,” and shut the door. Mike turns to me and says, “Wait, did he pull his dick out at you?” and I said no, Peter hadn’t. But I added, “It wouldn’t have been the first time a guy whipped his dick out at me this week.” This had the whole group laughing—though I’m sure 90% of them didn’t know the dick being mentioned was in the room. Too classic.

Charlee's slice:

I think the weekend summed up a rather wild week or blizzards and mardi gras quite nicley. Anny, my no longer phantom limb best friend, returned from her seven month stay in Paris and decided to make the drive up to see me. Erika, Rachel, and I went out bar hopping and got entirely too drunk. I said alot of things, and called alot of people that I dont remember. It has been a year since I had that much to drink and I certanly paid for it the next day, but we were celebrating the return of my dear freind, so it was worth it. Anny and I have only been drunk together once before, because she decided to stop partying right as I decided to start, but she made an exception for friday night. She did quit with good reason, she tends to have a little too much fun and is rather famous for the ridiculous things she happens to accomplish while drunk. We were heading home from the bars and I was glad it was are really fun sort of vanilla kind of night. Then Erika made a statement that was like "I should make out with someone," so Anny took it upon herself to make this happen. We got back to my apartment when Anny all of a sudden runs off to find someone for Erika to make out with. Realizing that Anny was going to bring some joe off the street into my apartment I decided to chase after her. I forgot my shoes, so I head outside in my socks, there was still snow on the ground so in my attempt to keep my socks dry I managed to stumble down a few stairs and bang my knee up pretty bad. She had dissappeared around the corner so I gave up after a few minutes of trying to retrieve her, thinking she would get bored and give up the search. She showed back up a few minutes later claiming to have found the perfect boy but she sent him off to wash his face first. She then left with Rachel to go retrieve him. Anny and Rachel show back up in my apartment a few minutes later.....with a zebra.... named Alex. He seemed like a nice boy/zebra. If not a little boring and awkward. Erika left the room though, apparently zebra boys are not her type. Zebra boy did not get that we were giving him the brush off and he continued to bore us with his stories. Anny started making puking noises pretending it was Erika. Zebraboy answered a drunk dial "yea dog, this girl I was supposed to make out with isnt doing too well, I'll meet you back home." and he left. He left his zebra glasses on my couch, so at least Erika got Somthing out of him.

Other highlights of the weekend include: Buying Anny's wedding dress, watching some indie movie that I forgot the name of, attending sarah's birthday party/ cabaret after party (complete with drunkin dancers), Eating the ham rachel cooked, drew telling me I can borrow his wire hanger for my abortion, listening to rachel give mr. editor shit, watching peter party foul half a dozen times in two minutes time, the drive almost all the way to canada for some sonic, and the discovery of this:
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/2008/05/30/scientists-calculate-odd-ways-to-die-89520-17495916/
a list of crazy ways to die. I found out that as a lefty, it is more likely for me to die using a pair of scissors not designed for me, than to die in a plane crash. great.

since we did not have pie today, but sonic, rachel had a blue coconut slushi, charlee had a cranberry limade. yum.