Charlee’s slice:
It’s single’s awareness day. It probably could have passed me by unnoticed except my mom made a big deal about how she just broke up with her married boyfriend and didn’t have a date. On a slightly related note, we lost my grandpa last week from complications due to fungus. My grandparent’s 51st anniversary is next week and my grandma is a total wreck. 50 years is a long time to be married to the wrong man. So to celebrate my family’s lack of luck in the love department, I decided to treat my mom and grandmother to a movie.
*On a side note, my sister drove through the ever snowy pass to Eastern Washington to stay at the family house of a guy she met online a few weeks ago. She is already madly in love for the fourth time this year. Also, upon hearing the last name of this guy, my grandma announced that we have distant cousins by that last name living in that general area….at least we are distantly related….
The movie of choice was, of course, “He’s just not that into you.” Rachel joined us along with her parents. Bells were going off inside my head a few times during the movie for these reasons:
1.The boy who has been bugging me the last three weeks to go out with him seems to have suddenly lost interest now that I am available to hang out.
2.The boy I gave my number to and shared a slightly awkward dance with has not made use of my number or tried to contact me in any way. And damn, he was the one I was rooting for.
3.Just as I am about to graduate from college several of the guys I went to high school with are contacting me and asking me out for drinks. Where were they for my four very single years of high school? Where were they when I needed a date to prom?
4.And, Rachel’s mom is not trying hard enough to hook me up with that rock-star she has connections to!
But before I let this sound like a pity party, I just want to point out, I don’t actually care. I’m probably the happiest single person alive. In fact, I think it is my preferred mode of being. Not because I am bitter, or because I have been burned or anything like that. I just happen to be a little self involved. Also, I don’t really enjoy being pursued I decided, I much rather be the pursuer, and have my efforts acknowledged/reciprocated every once and a while. I guess that is just how I do things.
On a completely unrelated topic, I saw an infomercial today for “Dr.” Michael A. Snyder’s new weight-loss product, the Full Bar. It claims to work much like lap-ban surgery. He says that stomach distention sends signals to your brain that you are full and you stop eating. Let me first point out that lap-ban surgery works by restricting the amount you are able to eat, not the amount you desire to eat. Secondly, stomach distention does not send signals to the brain that you are full, chances are if your stomach is that distended you have already eaten past the point of fullness, all the way to the point of discomfort. This is why people tend to overeat in the first place. Thirdly, a food supplement that literally fills you to the brim by just adding water sounds like a good way to achieve heart burn. When stomach acid meets esophagus you get acid reflux, when this happens over a period of time, stomach acid burns away at unprotected esophageal lining and you could find yourself a chronic sufferer of acid reflux disease. To anyone who has considered buying Dr. Snyder’s product I think you should know, all you get for your $200 is just some high priced protein bars, lacking in protein (6 grams of protein:13 grams sugar:170cal) and you’ll likely end up with self-induced acid reflux disease. Also, those cheeseburger cravings will not go away, you will eat past the point of “fullness” because human beings cannot live off of 300 calories a day. There is no off switch when it comes to hunger. If you don’t believe me, you can check out Dr. Snyder’s bestselling weight loss book, Diets Don’t Work. In the mean time, have another slice of pie. Just kidding.
one last thing, I was thinking of a clever picture to post with this, and I randomly happened to think of syphilis. (my old friend screwed around with this guy I was crazy for, and as instant karma happens to work, she contracted this particular disease. it now has a tender place in my heart.) if you type it into google images, the pictures you get back are rather raunchy, and not at all appropriate for this post, but you should try it for a horrified-eyes gauging out-stomach turning-laugh.
Rachel’s slice:
Well, my V-day was rather like any other day on a weekend I spend at home with my parents. They cart me around, make me dinner, listen to my stories, ask for my college opinions, and generally just make me feel like a little kid again(in a good way). Today—no exception. We took a little family trip to Target so I could buy an exercise ball and print out some pictures for my recently empty picture frames.
I am bound and determined to start a core work-out called “SurfStronger.” Oh I know, just say it already, “Wow, but Rachel you don’t surf.” Well, no, I don’t…yet. I’m planning for Grad school in California, and maybe I’ll develop a new line of Harlequin romance novels for surf enthusiasts. The “research” alone would be amazing!
And as for the pictures, they serve a few purposes other than simply decorating my walls. Before, the picture frames displayed: group pictures from high school dances of myself and people I wouldn’t even wave to in the grocery store, and pictures of my high school boyfriend and now evil-ex. The frames are now occupied by: Recent pictures of me with my friends(including an epic picture of Charlee and me with ink-pen mustaches on our fingers), a picture of me as a slutty pirate with my best guy pal, a copy of a pictures of my grandfather putting on his socks when he was twelve, and a picture of my Spanish roommate from last year. These pictures are symbols of how far I have come—my social accomplishments(I’ve always had academic ones). Hopefully the Broman will see them and think, “Shit, she’s awesome.” Oh big aspirations!
Charlee mentioned our little girl’s night movie date, but she left it up to me to tell the story of Girl-who-doesn’t-have-a-mouth-filter. Oh jeeze, the things this girl commented on to her boyfriend! And, not just whispered, but said in a near yell! As single females, of course the obvious choice for us was to see “He’s Just Not That Into You.” So, there’s this opening scene describing how females always comfort each other when the guy isn’t calling, blah blah cliché lines. The narrator comments that all of these are lies we tell ourselves when the real truth is…*cue movie title*. But, just before the title pops up, what does Girlie yell out? “He doesn’t like you!” Uhhhh, did you not know what movie you were seeing? She’s one of those girls who never sees any plot twists coming, and has to yell about it. Charlee and I just kept looking at her with horrified faces, knowing that she is the reason that the patriarch still thrives. Need new material for a dumb blonde joke? Give her a call.
My favorite find for the day was a gem of a story on a photography showing down in the Greenwood neighborhood of Seattle. The photographer is an unlikely one in that he is in fact: a cat. Cooper the cat wears his collar cam one day a week. The camera is programmed to take a picture every two minutes. Some of the photos are amazingly beautiful, cropped artistically and with perfect lighting. It’s amazing. My favorite? “Rendezvous,” in which another cat slinks around the corner of a building, as a lover might on a secret meeting. Awwww!!!!
I was going to go all Anti-V-day like Charlee, but, the cat cheered me up. So I leave you with that happy little sentiment. Look him up! He has his own blog and flickr page! Cooper Cat Cam!
XOXO, Rachel
P.S. My mom is trying with the rockstar thing. *His* mother however is trying to shelter her son from groupies. If she met Charlee, I think mama rockstar would request for her son to date Charlee immediately.
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